I did something I never imagined I’d do.
I took an RV trip with my family for 9 days.
One of my husband’s fondest memories was a 3-week RV trip with a friend’s family. This summer he was determined to make such a trip happen for our kids.
I was going to be a good sport and go along for the ride.
6 days later we were packed. Our Cruise America RV (awkwardly parked on our narrow tree lined street!) was loaded with games, food, 3 tubes of toothpaste, toilet paper, dog chews and miles of cords, headsets and devices.
As we pulled away from home I felt a friend’s wise words — don’t be in a hurry — settle into my bones like a slow exhale.
I felt it when my husband, known to hide a speeding ticket or two, pulled over with a new civility and moderation to let the faster cars pass. Most folks waved or gave a friendly honk. He was relaxed and I could sense that he was enjoying the change of pace.
At times I was aware of the habitual worry creeping in. What had I forgotten? Was there somewhere we needed to be? The creeping worry is indeed a fixture in my day-to-day life.
[tweetthis]Then I would stop and remember that feeling of ease when we first pushed off. “Don’t be in a hurry,” our friend had said.[/tweetthis]
I felt it just knowing that we were together. For 9 days we biked, played board games, prepared food, cleaned, and continually shared the experience of our new surroundings.
We hiked through the magical giant redwoods, biked along the Northern Californian coast (trying not to crash as I was awed by the splendor of the Pacific Ocean) and waded in the Rogue River while salmon jumped just feet away.
Don’t get me wrong, my kids did the normal bickering – etc. but I’ll save that for another post!
One of my solitary pleasures was getting up early to pick blackberries to share over breakfast.
I was sad when the trip came to an end. It was a sweet time of togetherness.
Now I’m home. Summer’s coming to an end with school starting tomorrow.
I’m wondering about that sense of ease during our trip. How do I re-capture the feeling of time slowing down, of being present with myself and, my children, husband and dog.
What allows YOU to be at ease and present in your everyday life? I want to know. Please share in the comment section below for the benefit of all our readers.
What allows you to be at ease and present in your everyday life? Generally and specifically.
What commitment are you going to make in order to bring more ease and presence into your life?
My husband texted me “Just rode our first coaster – Colossus! [Crazy face emoji.]”
Little does he know I’ve been riding one at home and it’s not nearly as thrilling.
He’s taken E and two friends off to Magic Mountain to celebrate E’s 14th birthday.
I’m home with our newly hatched 1st grader and experiencing the breezy joys of the first day of summer!
After two late nights her eyes are at half mast and simply put, nothing is right.
She demands to go to the pool. I say, that’s not going to work today.
And the tirade begins – I’m sparing you many of the gruesome details but these quotes will give you the flavor.
You’re the boringest in my whole entire family because you always mention boring things to me and I HATE YOU!
I want daddy!
I wish I were dead!
(she repeats this last one several times I think because she’s startled that I’m not reacting)
I’m not as composed as I want to be. Being a parent educator can really inflame feelings of parental inadequacy. My self talk that thankfully doesn’t come out my mouth is, S you’re acting like a spoiled brat and
what have I done to create this monster? How can I possibly say I have any answers for parents when my kid is acting like this!
I successfully take it down a few notches, not perfect but better, when I say to her, you’re tired. Maybe you’re even sick because this is how you act when you’re sick. There’s not much sympathy in my voice as I say some other not so choice words that infuriate her.
On the upside, I bear lots of her rage and both of our discomfort. Bearing it is good. Breathing through it is great. I give breathing a try and it helps.
As far as I can tell, along with deep breathing, the following are key elements that finally shift the energy.
There’s no substitute for time. It feels like a good hour of our back and forth. She pleads, I ignore, she rages, I stop and give her some kind and firm attention, she storms off, I fold laundry, ignore and finally I ask for her help.
One my favorite Positive Discipline sayings is children do better when they feel better. When I ask her for help, I tap into her desire for significance and belonging. While we’re not always aware of it, all of us are looking for significance and belonging.
Notice how imperfectly I handle this yet how important it is that I persist.
First, I suggest she pick up her room – she says NO – (admittedly a knee jerk bound to fail request on my part).
Second, I suggest she help clear the living room of her toys – NO! That’s two strikes….
Third, I ASK how she’d like to help and I LISTEN when she says she wants to help in the kitchen. She gets a stool and I fill a basin with warm soapy water. Singing quietly, she scrubs dishes for a solid 15 minutes. (I’m in another room).
Like roller coasters inevitably do, it feels like this one is coming to a surprisingly smooth and sudden stop.
Now she’s done scrubbing and she’s disappeared.
I hear a harmonica in the distance.
Here’s your chance to support another parent! Share in the comment section below.
We ALL lose it as parents. On those days when you’re able to remain calm when your child presses your button, what’s different?
How will you make space for these calming features of life?