by Lisa Fuller | May 17, 2017 | Connection & Love, General, Parenting, Self-care
Dear Devoted You,
Mother’s Day is a sweet time to recognize all the good.
I feel so lucky because I’ll be able to celebrate this year with my own dear mother. She’s a quirky, creative, generous woman and an absolute treasure to me.
At the same time, life is not all happiness and joy right now for me as a mother.
One of my children is suffering. And as you know, when your child isn’t well, it can feel impossible to let that pain go.
So if your heart also aches because of an issue with your child, I want to remind you (and myself): we’re not alone.
My Mother’s Day message this year is simple: Take care of yourself.
Make a mindful choice to do the following:
- Exercise
- Eat well
- Sleep!
- Expand your tunnel vision*
*Devote time and energy to other relationships in your life. When you’re in a crisis with one child you can understandably suffer from tunnel vision. Consciously decide to continue to focus on your other children, spouse, and friends (the supportive ones). This expansion will breath life into you by widening your perspective AND for maintaining those important connections with people who love you and in the case of your other children, need your continued connection.
It’s easy to forget these basics and fall into destructive patterns when we’re filled with worry.
When you make self-care a central part of your life, you’ll find that the kindness you show yourself infuses your own life, and the life of your family with positivity. It provides a model for your child and makes the path to reach your goals and those of your family so much smoother. (source:
8 Self-Care Tips for Parents Who Have No Time for Self Care.)
You’re important to me and I’ve missed the opportunity to connect.
We’re all in this together and I appreciate the community you provide for me along the journey of motherhood (and boy it’s tough at times!)
I hope you’re well and wish you a Happy Mother’s Day.
Love,
by Lisa Fuller | May 27, 2014 | Communication, Cooperation, Discipline, Encouragement, General, Parenting
It’s a typical morning, nothing out of the ordinary.
The boys haven’t brushed their teeth and I’m yelling, BRUSH! And then Get your rears in the car NOW.
It feels like we do this every. Single. Day.
When I get in the car, I feel down – this isn’t how I want my boys to get off to school in the morning. Yelling let’s go, let’s go, let’s gooooo! – Probably isn’t the most inspirational start to their day.
Sound familiar? I know we all prefer mornings with our kids to be fueled by calm cooperation instead of high-volume threats and pleas!
It is possible.
I got the idea to create scripts because in a parenting class while role-playing a conversation, between a parent and teen (forgetting to talk out the garbage), using Positive Discipline tools, an observing parent vigorously raised her hand, “You were going really fast just then and I’m not sure what happened but it sounded awesome. Could you go through it again but this time slowly so I can understand?”
At first, the words may feel a little stiff or clunky – just like training wheels – but it’s worth giving them a try. Especially if you leave the house in the morning shaking your head (or crying), wondering why parenting is so darn hard.
The Conversation Guide slows down the parent child interaction. Think of it as parenting in slow motion, word by word, so you can rewind at any time.
It’s true, there are many ways to parent that fit with the Positive Discipline principles. My hope is that the four approaches I’ve offered here give you confidence to find your genuine voice. One that’s both kind and firm – respectful of your child and yourself.
Okay, back to my morning with the boys… what could I have done differently? Let’s see what happens when I ask a question instead of yelling demands at them.
“Guys, what do you need to do before you get in the car for school?” They actually mumble “brush our teeth…”
“Yes, great, I’ll meet you in the car when you’re done.”
Does that sound too easy? With enough repetition, time and the resulting trust, it works.
And if you get zero response to your question – or just eye-rolling – you can calmly let them know you’ve decided to wait in the car until they’re ready (take a good book so you’re doing something pleasurable while you serenely wait).
The two keys are:
- You follow through with what you say you’re going to do – this builds trust
- You remain calm, cool and collected – trust x 100
CONSIDER⇔SHARE⇔ACT
What get’s in your way of having that calm morning you so desire?
What’s worked for you?
What gets in the way of you practicing these scripts? Share in a comment below so we can learn from each other.
If you haven’t already done so, join me on this journey!
Wanna talk? Schedule a time here.
