My husband texted me “Just rode our first coaster – Colossus! [Crazy face emoji.]”
Little does he know I’ve been riding one at home and it’s not nearly as thrilling.
He’s taken E and two friends off to Magic Mountain to celebrate E’s 14th birthday.
I’m home with our newly hatched 1st grader and experiencing the breezy joys of the first day of summer!
After two late nights her eyes are at half mast and simply put, nothing is right.
And the tirade begins – I’m sparing you many of the gruesome details but these quotes will give you the flavor.
I want daddy!
I wish I were dead!
(she repeats this last one several times I think because she’s startled that I’m not reacting)
I’m not as composed as I want to be. Being a parent educator can really inflame feelings of parental inadequacy. My self talk that thankfully doesn’t come out my mouth is, S you’re acting like a spoiled brat and
what have I done to create this monster? How can I possibly say I have any answers for parents when my kid is acting like this!
I successfully take it down a few notches, not perfect but better, when I say to her, you’re tired. Maybe you’re even sick because this is how you act when you’re sick. There’s not much sympathy in my voice as I say some other not so choice words that infuriate her.
On the upside, I bear lots of her rage and both of our discomfort. Bearing it is good. Breathing through it is great. I give breathing a try and it helps.
As far as I can tell, along with deep breathing, the following are key elements that finally shift the energy.
There’s no substitute for time. It feels like a good hour of our back and forth. She pleads, I ignore, she rages, I stop and give her some kind and firm attention, she storms off, I fold laundry, ignore and finally I ask for her help.
One my favorite Positive Discipline sayings is children do better when they feel better. When I ask her for help, I tap into her desire for significance and belonging. While we’re not always aware of it, all of us are looking for significance and belonging.
Notice how imperfectly I handle this yet how important it is that I persist.
First, I suggest she pick up her room – she says NO – (admittedly a knee jerk bound to fail request on my part).
Second, I suggest she help clear the living room of her toys – NO! That’s two strikes….
Third, I ASK how she’d like to help and I LISTEN when she says she wants to help in the kitchen. She gets a stool and I fill a basin with warm soapy water. Singing quietly, she scrubs dishes for a solid 15 minutes. (I’m in another room).
Like roller coasters inevitably do, it feels like this one is coming to a surprisingly smooth and sudden stop.
Now she’s done scrubbing and she’s disappeared.
I hear a harmonica in the distance.
Here’s your chance to support another parent! Share in the comment section below.
We ALL lose it as parents. On those days when you’re able to remain calm when your child presses your button, what’s different?
How will you make space for these calming features of life?