loving our child despite the hard times is what builds trust. This call for our endless thereness is one reason parenting is so challenging, but it is also why it has the potential to radically change us. Kids give us the opportunity to love another person not because they are always lovable, but because we’ve made the commitment to love them.

Our family had an unspoken mantra: Even if you’re good at something, don’t show it. It was a self preservation of sorts. Make yourself small so no one can cut you down.

Decades later, when I picked my daughter up from pre-school, I asked her teacher, “How’d it go today?”

Our beloved Gay Gay replied,

“It was great! Your daughter is so full of herself!”

It was a moment of awakening words and positivity knocked be upside my head.

Here was my daughter: a self-possessed three year old, full of her interests, her curiosity, her body, her life… full of herself!

It all began when I knit her my 14 year old daughter a sweater. She’d accompanied me to the store to choose a soft, washable yarn in a neutral color she’d actually wear. During Covid I’ve picked up knitting again and found a healthy distraction in searching for patterns and scrumptious yarns. Because my grandmother taught me to knit when I was young, knitting sent a gentle signal to my brain, “Everything’s okay.”

Here I describe an everyday interaction with my 6 yo, one from BEFORE understanding the Positive Discipline perspective and one, AFTER. I hope this illustration helps you see how simple shifts can deepen your genuine connection with your child.